ANAMEMOIR

Day 1 after consultation. I have something to look forward to. My medicines. But I can’t talk to people without cigarettes so I just hide inside my room. I still can’t take a bath. Still can’t finish anything. Taking a bath daily in my tropical country is mandatory due to summer heat. But I don’t do anything in my room…perhaps the heat is not reaching me that much. I also just lie down on my room floor.

Day 2. My breakfast is a cigarette and coffee. Still hardly breathing when some events flood my mind. Waiting for my meds. (still can’t buy them, I want to buy all of them together at once!) Crying at times. Hiding in my room. I want someone to talk to but don’t want to be a burden.

Day 3. I updated my closest friends about my condition. I love them so much. I can only count them using my fingers, but god, they are gems. Called my mom to ask ‘how are you?’ Also, I finally bought some of my medicines last night (using the digital prescription of risperidone and divalproax sodium) and drank them properly. No alcohol. My tolerance for sedations is tremendously high so I’m still waiting for the physical copy of my clonazepam prescription to arrive. I bought so many food! But can’t finish them…what do you expect?

I was able to finish one movie this afternoon, replaying Lost in Translation. Is it the effect now of the medicines? What will I do next later today and the day after, and the day after tomorrow? I don’t know. I guess I’ll write?

I watch Hayley Williams concerts in different states in the US. I love that she uses the Lost in Translation quote recording, (…during Dream Girl in Shibuya song introduction. It is nostalgic. ☺️)

Bob: “I don’t want to leave.”
Charlotte: “So don’t. Stay here with me. We’ll start a jazz band.”

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What did Bob whisper to Charlotte at the end of the movie? Did you know? Should we know? ☺️

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PS. I NEED TO LESSEN MY COFFEE DRINKING. My heart is beating abnormally these days.