ANAMEMOIR

welcome to my silly little safe space ✧

recent posts

  • Familiar Wound

    Heart feeling hollow
    An endless walk without getting tired
    Traffic highways and sidewalks I follow
    Scars? Nothing. The wounds didn’t heal at all


    There are no butterflies in my stomach anymore
    Reality is…they’re moths diving into fire
    Vomit nothing, I don’t take any medicines
    Run away, my dear, our love is torture

    I’m slow to react
    Uploading events in my head
    All day I laugh and at night I break open
    Drunk and filled with smoke, good as dead


    I sent you messages not for you to read
    But for me to feel you can still see me
    Waiting for the end of this random recollection
    Run away, my dear, I can’t see you burning

  • i blame the cigarettes

    Methinks I’ll always feel the same
    It’s always been with cigarettes
    I smoked a pack today
    Standing nowhere.

    I like you. I think you know it
    I’m scared and act like a villain
    There’s no use in trying
    But I’ll love you the same.

    Only me knows where I hid
    The skeletons in my cabinet
    Today I choose to wear a dress
    Eyes shut. No more ghosts.

    I live everyday like I’m gonna die
    Everytime you say goodbye
    Unraveling epiphany
    that I fell inlove with you.

  • how far?

    How much speed can you reach?
    I wanna feel the wind hit my face
    Like papercuts or bitter orange
    I thought we’re something special.

    Distill these feelings, nimbus blanket
    like a new moon nowhere to be seen
    When it rises and sets, we don’t know
    I thought we were invincible.

    Punching my chest, restless heart
    Anxious without, but not when you’re near
    Do you know I wrote my songs for you?
    When I get back, I’ll never be the same.

    They say no sober person can write a sonnet
    I actually relapsed when we met.
    Someday I’ll get my own apartment
    I’ll never be the same.

  • Astro

    Putting the helmet on
    My head spinning around
    Turbulence never felt this good
    I feel like I’m going to die now

    Lock the cockpit and load
    All the fuel I needed to leave it all
    Behind me I see you waving goodbye
    This could be the last time

    You know I’m addicted to lights
    But you never took the chance
    To hold my hand and I have no
    Regrets because I whispered I love you
    A thousand times through the sun glints
    In my eyes

    Drowning in dark matter
    Stars have never been this invisible
    Everything we know is the opposite
    Of everything I see now

    Swallow me black hole
    Or take me back in time
    I could have ignored you from the start
    Because I’m always this weak and

    If the sky falls down tonight
    If the rockets from monsters
    Wanting to eat this world alive
    Decided to kill all of us

    I will tell you, you look so cool
    And that you deserve
    More.

  • how it feels to overthink per square inch

    Like a bus with only me as a passenger

    Road bumps are the scars becoming thin

    Thoughts are running, spiraling in my brain

    I know and I remember everything

    I was there…I was present… in every moment.

    Freezing skeleton, overthinking

    Things I could have said and shouldn’t have

    Crawling in my skin, taunting me to jump

    Out of the window…and make it all stop.

    Clenching my fists, feet nailed on the floor

    Sleep soundly… or so long!

    Heart self-harms as it screams in rhythm

    I will fight for you…my body…I am not alone

    Shame, excitement, everything is heavy for me.

    Fighting the thought in my head…it feels right

    I’m finding the right rhythm to lull me tonight

  • Stand

    i say every religion has its own extremists…no exceptions, ALL OF THEM, and so, i remain an omnist.

    no matter how dark this world can be.

    as a former atheist and theology student (years later), I refuse to be boxed into a single ideology now. (currently i like shintoism more tho because of its respect to nature ♡)

    no dogma.

  • Journal

    Poetry helps me survive. I can’t just do normal journaling because I even feel ashamed of myself. I can’t write direct words. But with poetry, everything seems to have life, even the darkest times of my life seem to have dancing auroras and nebulae.

  • Disillusionment

    A black hole slowly stretching time

    Walking on broken Saturn rings in my brain

    I can’t voice or whisper what I read

    With sore throat, rising acid, wasted years
    Lucky to still have music in my ears

    Luckier that my brain can still compose

    I am a supernova exploding backwards
    I don’t know if it’s my body or my soul stretching upward.
    The black hole effect. A black hole in the sky.
    They say there is no turning back but—

    (I still haven’t tried??? I’m not losing control yet? I— don’t know what to say next… but it is actually about my disillusionment.)

    (using — as a f*** you. NO AI.)

  • Wars

    Wars

    Up and away, balloons fly and never to be found
    Falling faster, bombs… here they fall down
    Coffee spilled down the table; I couldn’t cry *hands up*
    Thump…thump…thump. Their mechanical hearts.
    Sudden hissing and whistling. Brains cracked.
    Watch the news and see them die faster than you
    It never ends… sirens keep blowing wailing
    Until we all lose our minds and follow what they do.
    How long will you look away from children burning?
    Thump… thump… thump. We are running.
    Your mother is waiting for you as you scream her name, as you’re dying

    Mom…mom..mom

  • TO YOU

    TO YOU

    Crippled, the blood in my heart rippled
    Tamed, calmer…wiser…chiseled
    Burn it like a charcoal burnt already but not completely
    The core screams of hunger for fire
    But the night you said you love me suddenly
    Avalanched same old stories of cold nights it was all a dream.